Rejected

Well, I didn't get into a program for next year. I applied to 4 schools, but when it came down to it, only 2 were viable. The other 3 PI's I discovered late in the game, over the holiday break, and applied in the hope that they would be taking students. None of the 3 were, although they did give me some positive feedback. Which I will have to print out and refer to over the next few days while I nurse my wounds. Viable school #1 rejected me straight out a few weeks ago. It wasn't a surprise because I wasn't a very good fit for the program, and not even sure I really wanted to go there anymore. Viable school #2 stung though. I got the letter yesterday and I'd really been hoping to get in. The letter had language like "final review" (ok, at least I made it to the last cut), "unusually low funding," and "unable to admit all worthy candidates."

I think my GRE scores might have done it. My math scores were low. Still, it's very frustrating. Professionally, I did everything right. High GPA. Grants. Scholarships. Publications. Presentations. International experience. Research-based thesis. Well, sunofabich. It doesn't matter what you have going for you if you have one thing going against you.

So, we'll stay somewhat where we are. We're lucky, *very lucky*, because Booker has a nice stable job. In fact, starting school next year would have meant living apart again, in different states, for at least a semester because of his work commitments. It hasn't even been a year since his deployment ended, and that was a 15-month stint. We were both concerned about another separation, so soon. This way, we'll have a whole year of everything being NORMAL. No deployment/ Army/ Wedding planning/ Moving (well, we'll have to sell this house [eek] and move, but just the one move. Then we are renting.)No crazy field work. No grad school stress and schedules. Just some time to work and hang out and pay off some of these bills. In the end, we'll probably be glad it went down like this. I'll get those GRE scores up, defend and try to publish from my Masters, run the side project I wanted to do a year ago, and try again for fall 2010.

But rejection does suck, and I'm trying not to give in to those thoughts like: "Well, maybe you won't get in next year either and will have to give up," or "This pushes back your timeline and soon you will be too old to have a baby!" That one is particularly silly because I'm only 30. It's something to think about, but one more years' delay won't make it impossible. (Because I was hoping to work abroad in tropical ecosystems, this event was still 2-3 years off, with the idea that we'd crank a kid out as soon as I finish my research.)

Oh wells. Interwebs, I'd be happy to hear your tales of rejection, in solidarity.

Soldier portraits

Please check this out.

Please.

www.soldierportraits.com

For M.F.M.

M.F.M. was a really amazing, beautiful person. I went to high school with her. We weren't friends, but she was one of those people who made you feel like you were, because she was interested in everybody, genuine, funny and kind. She fought cancer for 5+ years, and on Saturday, she found rest. She chronicles her experience here:
www.fortscancersux@blogspot.com.

My condolences go out to her family and friends.

Effin', Fricken', Fracken', Focken'

So, I'm in the midst of turning in PhD applications (1 to go!) I did eventually find the delayed letter-writer, after calling him at home. Three times. Seriously, if you don't want to, then say no when I ask you, M'kay? But this individual is sort of notorious for the forgetting of the deadlines, and I didn't have much wiggle room since it is the person I have worked with most closely in this degree. But, all's well there.

Now for the next drama. One school had a Jan.1 deadline for their online application. So I sit down yesterday, Jan. 1, and the system will not allow me to select a term for which I am applying. In fact, there are no terms listed at all. The paragraph below the empty term box says that if no term is listed, then the deadline has passed. "But that deadline has not passed" says I, "The deadline is today." Tech support can only offer to contact the program department. No one is there, of course, because it's a big holiday. (Big shout-out to all you schools with deadlines on a holiday. Can't type what I'm actually shouting, though.)

The online application system will not let me submit my application without a selected term. I printed it and faxed it to the contact in the program office. I called that office and the office of admissions (voicemail.) I sent an e-mail to the program contact, along with screen captures showing the date and time and exact malufunction of the online system. And I berated myself over and over for not seeing this coming. I had hoped to be able to talk to someone today, but it seems like eveyone is out until Monday.

My big fear, is that they won't accept my application. I am totally biased, but that doesn't seem fair. At no point does anything say 'due at midnight on the 31st' or 'due by 8am Jan. 1st,' or 'can't access the system after the 31st' or anything. It just says the ambiguous 'deadline Jan. 1.' Subjectively, I probably should not have waited til the last day. Which Booker pointed out. Verrrrrrrrry carefully pointed out. I wasn't really receptive to constructive criticism:) But, deadlines are not subjective. Deadlines are objective and objectively, I ought to have been able to submit it online on Jan. 1.

Thoughts, Internet?

Dear future Dr. Self,

Remember that when people ask you for recommendation letters, they are asking you to advocate for them during a process in which they are extremely invested. Therefore, when your grad student asks you to write recommendation letters for her PhD applications, 6 weeks in advance, then reminds you and sends you e-mails and a Facebook message and also the online links to the applications, you will do her the common courtesy of a response. This will be important, especially if you have flaked out on her letters twice before, costing her a grant and an internship. No, Dr. Self, you will not put anyone through this the day before their applications are due. You will promptly send in recommendation letters, or in the very least, let all implicated parties know that really, you're on it, even if you are intending on submitting them at 11:58 pm the day they are due.

InaDWriMo

Well, since I didn't actually set goals until Nov. 11th it's evident that my progress is....well, is not. The goal is to get halfway through the V#$^ meter at right, and all the way through the 21 hours of GRE study time. Hopefully this round will go better than the last. This is my last chance to take it (all the Nov. dates were taken, drag. December 3rd) before my PhD apps are due, and actually it's kind of pushing it that the new, improved scores will make it in time. I guess I didn't consider that all the November dates would be taken. Meh.

Booker turned 30 on Saturday and has now caught up with his sexy older wife. We celebrated by using wedding gift money to buy a DSLR camera. And on this Veteran's Day, he has only 8 days left in active duty.

October 10th, 2008