- I do not blog enough. I will now blog more.
- I agreed to a petition-gathering project. I wish I had not. Soliciting, even for cause I believe in, is sooo not my thing. And this project has a quota. My town is dead right now, and I have major doubts about being able to gather signatures.
- I am going to my girlfriends wedding (Hi AJH!) in Boston in less than 2 weeks! I am so excited! 1), She and her fiance have been through the fire together. I know that she is committing to someone who can really be a rock for her. And vice versa. 2), I am in dire need of some girlfriend time. I have girlfriends in Grad School Town, but somehow all we ever talk about is research and academia. I am looking forward to going out on the town in Boston.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Time Capsule
I'd rather forget these past few months, and make 2009 an eight month year.
My time capsule would contain:
- A pillow, to mock me. The insomnia had become so severe that I was only getting 3-4 hours every single night. Everything I could try without insurance had no effect (Seriously? Telling a major insomniac to drink camomile tea or take some Benadryl-I might hurt you.) Eventually insurance kicks in and I get a presecription for the strongest thing on the market. Which works less and less well every night.
-A butterfly net to catch the butterflies in my stomach. They are whipped into a frenzy all day, every day, all night if I couldn't sleep. Being so wired for so long with no respite made me feel like I couldn't take that anymore.
-A box of Kleenex for all the days my husband came home from work to find me in tears, for reasons unknown.
- A counseling book for the time I told him, "Why would you stay with me?"
- A pharmacy bottle contating the "better living through Chemistry" that has finally helped me get on my feet again.
And so there will be happy memories in the time capsule- a draft of my thesis, done by late spring and defended by summers end.
My time capsule would contain:
- A pillow, to mock me. The insomnia had become so severe that I was only getting 3-4 hours every single night. Everything I could try without insurance had no effect (Seriously? Telling a major insomniac to drink camomile tea or take some Benadryl-I might hurt you.) Eventually insurance kicks in and I get a presecription for the strongest thing on the market. Which works less and less well every night.
-A butterfly net to catch the butterflies in my stomach. They are whipped into a frenzy all day, every day, all night if I couldn't sleep. Being so wired for so long with no respite made me feel like I couldn't take that anymore.
-A box of Kleenex for all the days my husband came home from work to find me in tears, for reasons unknown.
- A counseling book for the time I told him, "Why would you stay with me?"
- A pharmacy bottle contating the "better living through Chemistry" that has finally helped me get on my feet again.
And so there will be happy memories in the time capsule- a draft of my thesis, done by late spring and defended by summers end.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Rejected
Well, I didn't get into a program for next year. I applied to 4 schools, but when it came down to it, only 2 were viable. The other 3 PI's I discovered late in the game, over the holiday break, and applied in the hope that they would be taking students. None of the 3 were, although they did give me some positive feedback. Which I will have to print out and refer to over the next few days while I nurse my wounds. Viable school #1 rejected me straight out a few weeks ago. It wasn't a surprise because I wasn't a very good fit for the program, and not even sure I really wanted to go there anymore. Viable school #2 stung though. I got the letter yesterday and I'd really been hoping to get in. The letter had language like "final review" (ok, at least I made it to the last cut), "unusually low funding," and "unable to admit all worthy candidates."
I think my GRE scores might have done it. My math scores were low. Still, it's very frustrating. Professionally, I did everything right. High GPA. Grants. Scholarships. Publications. Presentations. International experience. Research-based thesis. Well, sunofabich. It doesn't matter what you have going for you if you have one thing going against you.
So, we'll stay somewhat where we are. We're lucky, *very lucky*, because Booker has a nice stable job. In fact, starting school next year would have meant living apart again, in different states, for at least a semester because of his work commitments. It hasn't even been a year since his deployment ended, and that was a 15-month stint. We were both concerned about another separation, so soon. This way, we'll have a whole year of everything being NORMAL. No deployment/ Army/ Wedding planning/ Moving (well, we'll have to sell this house [eek] and move, but just the one move. Then we are renting.)No crazy field work. No grad school stress and schedules. Just some time to work and hang out and pay off some of these bills. In the end, we'll probably be glad it went down like this. I'll get those GRE scores up, defend and try to publish from my Masters, run the side project I wanted to do a year ago, and try again for fall 2010.
But rejection does suck, and I'm trying not to give in to those thoughts like: "Well, maybe you won't get in next year either and will have to give up," or "This pushes back your timeline and soon you will be too old to have a baby!" That one is particularly silly because I'm only 30. It's something to think about, but one more years' delay won't make it impossible. (Because I was hoping to work abroad in tropical ecosystems, this event was still 2-3 years off, with the idea that we'd crank a kid out as soon as I finish my research.)
Oh wells. Interwebs, I'd be happy to hear your tales of rejection, in solidarity.
I think my GRE scores might have done it. My math scores were low. Still, it's very frustrating. Professionally, I did everything right. High GPA. Grants. Scholarships. Publications. Presentations. International experience. Research-based thesis. Well, sunofabich. It doesn't matter what you have going for you if you have one thing going against you.
So, we'll stay somewhat where we are. We're lucky, *very lucky*, because Booker has a nice stable job. In fact, starting school next year would have meant living apart again, in different states, for at least a semester because of his work commitments. It hasn't even been a year since his deployment ended, and that was a 15-month stint. We were both concerned about another separation, so soon. This way, we'll have a whole year of everything being NORMAL. No deployment/ Army/ Wedding planning/ Moving (well, we'll have to sell this house [eek] and move, but just the one move. Then we are renting.)No crazy field work. No grad school stress and schedules. Just some time to work and hang out and pay off some of these bills. In the end, we'll probably be glad it went down like this. I'll get those GRE scores up, defend and try to publish from my Masters, run the side project I wanted to do a year ago, and try again for fall 2010.
But rejection does suck, and I'm trying not to give in to those thoughts like: "Well, maybe you won't get in next year either and will have to give up," or "This pushes back your timeline and soon you will be too old to have a baby!" That one is particularly silly because I'm only 30. It's something to think about, but one more years' delay won't make it impossible. (Because I was hoping to work abroad in tropical ecosystems, this event was still 2-3 years off, with the idea that we'd crank a kid out as soon as I finish my research.)
Oh wells. Interwebs, I'd be happy to hear your tales of rejection, in solidarity.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
For M.F.M.
M.F.M. was a really amazing, beautiful person. I went to high school with her. We weren't friends, but she was one of those people who made you feel like you were, because she was interested in everybody, genuine, funny and kind. She fought cancer for 5+ years, and on Saturday, she found rest. She chronicles her experience here:
www.fortscancersux@blogspot.com.
My condolences go out to her family and friends.
www.fortscancersux@blogspot.com.
My condolences go out to her family and friends.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Effin', Fricken', Fracken', Focken'
So, I'm in the midst of turning in PhD applications (1 to go!) I did eventually find the delayed letter-writer, after calling him at home. Three times. Seriously, if you don't want to, then say no when I ask you, M'kay? But this individual is sort of notorious for the forgetting of the deadlines, and I didn't have much wiggle room since it is the person I have worked with most closely in this degree. But, all's well there.
Now for the next drama. One school had a Jan.1 deadline for their online application. So I sit down yesterday, Jan. 1, and the system will not allow me to select a term for which I am applying. In fact, there are no terms listed at all. The paragraph below the empty term box says that if no term is listed, then the deadline has passed. "But that deadline has not passed" says I, "The deadline is today." Tech support can only offer to contact the program department. No one is there, of course, because it's a big holiday. (Big shout-out to all you schools with deadlines on a holiday. Can't type what I'm actually shouting, though.)
The online application system will not let me submit my application without a selected term. I printed it and faxed it to the contact in the program office. I called that office and the office of admissions (voicemail.) I sent an e-mail to the program contact, along with screen captures showing the date and time and exact malufunction of the online system. And I berated myself over and over for not seeing this coming. I had hoped to be able to talk to someone today, but it seems like eveyone is out until Monday.
My big fear, is that they won't accept my application. I am totally biased, but that doesn't seem fair. At no point does anything say 'due at midnight on the 31st' or 'due by 8am Jan. 1st,' or 'can't access the system after the 31st' or anything. It just says the ambiguous 'deadline Jan. 1.' Subjectively, I probably should not have waited til the last day. Which Booker pointed out. Verrrrrrrrry carefully pointed out. I wasn't really receptive to constructive criticism:) But, deadlines are not subjective. Deadlines are objective and objectively, I ought to have been able to submit it online on Jan. 1.
Thoughts, Internet?
Now for the next drama. One school had a Jan.1 deadline for their online application. So I sit down yesterday, Jan. 1, and the system will not allow me to select a term for which I am applying. In fact, there are no terms listed at all. The paragraph below the empty term box says that if no term is listed, then the deadline has passed. "But that deadline has not passed" says I, "The deadline is today." Tech support can only offer to contact the program department. No one is there, of course, because it's a big holiday. (Big shout-out to all you schools with deadlines on a holiday. Can't type what I'm actually shouting, though.)
The online application system will not let me submit my application without a selected term. I printed it and faxed it to the contact in the program office. I called that office and the office of admissions (voicemail.) I sent an e-mail to the program contact, along with screen captures showing the date and time and exact malufunction of the online system. And I berated myself over and over for not seeing this coming. I had hoped to be able to talk to someone today, but it seems like eveyone is out until Monday.
My big fear, is that they won't accept my application. I am totally biased, but that doesn't seem fair. At no point does anything say 'due at midnight on the 31st' or 'due by 8am Jan. 1st,' or 'can't access the system after the 31st' or anything. It just says the ambiguous 'deadline Jan. 1.' Subjectively, I probably should not have waited til the last day. Which Booker pointed out. Verrrrrrrrry carefully pointed out. I wasn't really receptive to constructive criticism:) But, deadlines are not subjective. Deadlines are objective and objectively, I ought to have been able to submit it online on Jan. 1.
Thoughts, Internet?
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Dear future Dr. Self,
Remember that when people ask you for recommendation letters, they are asking you to advocate for them during a process in which they are extremely invested. Therefore, when your grad student asks you to write recommendation letters for her PhD applications, 6 weeks in advance, then reminds you and sends you e-mails and a Facebook message and also the online links to the applications, you will do her the common courtesy of a response. This will be important, especially if you have flaked out on her letters twice before, costing her a grant and an internship. No, Dr. Self, you will not put anyone through this the day before their applications are due. You will promptly send in recommendation letters, or in the very least, let all implicated parties know that really, you're on it, even if you are intending on submitting them at 11:58 pm the day they are due.
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