Sunday, January 13, 2008

Back to it

I can tell it's almost time to face my work again by the condition of my teeth. I have been grinding at night and clenching during the day. It hurts to pass any food or liquid over the right side of my mouth, and my unstable tooth near the front is a little loose again. (Yeah, I'm almost 30 and I have a loose tooth. It's the result of an accident about 4 years ago during my Peace Corps service. The impressive part is that it hasn't fallen out yet.)

Tangent: It is very hard to get used to in-laws.

One of my committee members asked how my research is going by saying, "I haven't heard anything since the meeting...gosh, that was a long time ago." Crap. I don't think she was saying it in a pointed way, because she is not an asshole. More of a "oh yeah, that was a long time ago," than a "that was a long time ago and why the hell don't you have your shit together?" Still, I spent some time stressing over the second possibility, that my committee all thinks I am a massive failure and waste of time and will never, ever, pass me on this degree. Clearly, if that is what I am thinking then that is the reality, yes? More tooth-grinding. The unstable tooth is now wiggly when I swallow. I chatted with her a bit about my field seasons last spring and fall, and my intention to pull together some graphs for the committee before the spring field season. (See sidebar on Dec-Jan to-do list. Note that that task is not crossed off because I spent my break watching 'The Office' on Netflix on-demand.) She was quick to add that we don't need to have another committee meeting - I guess no one enjoys those- but that we should just meet over it individually. I've mostly calmed down but am still spending 5 15 50 minutes here and there thinking about my not-having-shit-together-ed-ness.

1 comment:

christy said...

You are an amazing writer. I mean, you are so expressive and articulate.